Holidates: 3 Tips for Surviving a New Relationship During the Holidays
Beginning a new relationship during the holiday season can be extremely angst provoking. Issues that typically don't arise until later in the relationship come under the magnifying glass and implode even the most promising of relationships. The holidays are stressful in and of themselves (money, shopping, crowds, family, unrealistic expectations, etc.) A brand new relationship is frequently one stressor too many because people allow it to be.
Here are some tips for avoiding the legendary holiday crash and burn:
1. Set realistic expectations. Everyone dreams of the perfect holiday season; few of us, if any, ever get it. Keep your expectations realistic. If you just began dating someone a few weeks ago, don't be devastated if you aren't invited home to meet the family nor to the holiday office party. Don't convince yourself he's not "the one" if he doesn't arrive with an extravagant gift in hand.
Would these be issues if, for instance, you'd met during the last week of April? Probably not. Try to keep it in perspective. Yes, it's great to be coupled with someone you love during the holidays. However, if it's premature, don't force it or you're likely to scare him or her away, which makes for a lonely New Year.
2. Reframe and be reasonable. If you take away the emotionality attached to the holiday season (the high hopes, the inevitable disappointment), December is just another month in the Julian calendar, but with more twinkle lights. There are myriad ways to celebrate the holidays that look nothing like a Nora Ephron film.
Don't expect your new romantic prospect to fulfill all your holiday fantasies. Instead, surround yourself with friends, family and people whose company you enjoy. If the new Mr. or Ms. Wonderful wants to be included in the festivities---great. If not, there's always next year after you've had time to cement the relationship and/or to move on if it's not the right relationship for you.
3. To give a gift or not to give a gift. Generally speaking, if you've only been dating someone for less than 6 to 8 weeks before the holidays, a card and a small gift (a gesture) is most appropriate. You may also want to give the recipient a head's up by saying, "It'd be great to see you next week. I have a small something for you." There's nothing more awkward than laying a holiday gift on someone who isn't expecting it and, subsequently, has nothing to offer in return. This gives him or her a chance to pick up a bottle of Scotch or bubble bath before they see you.
Furthermore, if by some chance you are invited to a family gathering, discuss the gift situation with your date. You should not be expected to purchase individual gifts for parents and siblings. It's very appropriate, however, to bring a bottle of wine, flowers or dessert. Try to foresee unpleasant surprise situations well in advance and prepare for them.
Good luck, have fun and happy holidays!
Posted at 7:59 AM, December 10, 2009 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Holiday Stress
2 Comments
#1: Posted by Jen at 6:08 AM, December 28, 2009:
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I think this is good advice for any time of year, not just the holidays. |
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#2: Posted by healthy diet at 11:16 PM, March 24, 2010:
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